Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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