I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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