Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
