After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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