We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
