omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
