I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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