Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
