He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
