You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
