At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
