Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
