I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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