He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
