nut hugger
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
