Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
