Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
