my shit smells like andre
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
