Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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