Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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