i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
