apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
