You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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