how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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