I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
