If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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