she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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