so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
