i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
