you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
