There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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