: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
