Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
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I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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