your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
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