I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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