Your mouth is God's brothel.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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