theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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