When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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