garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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