Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
