You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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