"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
