The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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