She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
