I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
