i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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