3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
