It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
