I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
