Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this hospital has no fireball
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
