I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
