College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
