One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
