Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
