you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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