He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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