At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
