he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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