but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The best revenge is premature balding
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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