I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
