I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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