the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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