shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
