At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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