Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
