Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
