I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
