so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
