Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
third nipple confirmed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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