Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
