He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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