after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
