Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
