I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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