you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
