I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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