I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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