You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
