It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
